Lockdown Videos by Annie Louis (3rd EJP)
A plethora of things happened after the world was hit by the pandemic. Now i don’t know if it
was an honest chinese whisper that let out the virus or the country actually reared this very
self-aware virus and let it out to the world on it’s own. Well not to worry about the virus,
he/she/they found their very own homes in the human lung system and are thriving with
grand and great grandchildren. So the virus is well rested and content.
It might be fair to talk about the hardships of the migrant workers, protesters getting arrested
and the war that keeps getting postponed between India and China but who wants fair when
interesting things lurk around our search engines. Please don’t be mistaken I am not
referring to Donald Trump’s hiccup-y tweets, presenting to you- The news of the year
celebrities washing dishes. (round of applause)
Hello guys, welcome to this session of analysing Katrina Kaif’s method of washing dishes.
Is her method right or wrong? (kindly request you to read this sentence like a certain
someone for nobody-asked-for dramatic effects.)
What is the magic liquid in her possession that helps this mind blowing episode of washing
bartan. (kindly engage in the same tone of reading)
The readers of this piece are free to be creative and think of more tan-da-tan headlines.
(The background music is expected to play until asked to alter the tune or stop.)
Now let’s get our facts right, on 23rd march Bollywood actress who dances fluently but
refrains to act in her films Ms.Katrina Kaif used her instagram account to share her bartan
washing super technique to her humble followers. She said that this was a tutorial for herself
as well as those who forget the steps to be followed while washing bartan.
I am very eager to get into the intricate mind of this bollywood not-actress and understand
what she priorly thought as washing bartan meant. I know the title washing bartan is kind of
a give away but, did she think that the process was washing the sink instead of the dishes?
Or that we were trying to scrub the plate away from the soap. I will be updating once I get
access to this information.
I am sorry to interrupt but my mother has a question, did she have a full time house help
which means there were people to wash her dinner plates also? According to my mother’s
cockroach and other jeevis theory, never leave utensils in the sink overnight, otherwise you
are in bed with the rising number of cockroaches and other jeevis late-night parties. This
needs to be interrogated.
This is an objective platform to raise opinions but it will be cruel if I do not point out the fact
that her dishes were floating around in the sink clean, is she telling us that she chumma
dumped vessels into a sink full of water or that she doesn't use masala in her food.
Turmeric stains are never deceptive unlike Ms.Katrina washing her unclean/clean dishes.
Various aunties in my building have raised a complaint that the centuries old bartan washing
technique has been misrepresented and Ms.Katrina has put up this idea without giving them
their due credits. Most of the building aunties are on instagram, and was deeply
disappointed in the stealing of this sequential bartan washing technique.
Mrs. I am too good said, “All she had to do was tag us on instagram, I mean how hard is it
yaar to find me?” Mrs. Nosy aunty completely agreed to this statement by her co-building
member and close friend.
Time to enter our common sense section, did Ms.Katrina really think that while people
engage in this wholesome experience of bartan washing that the individual lathers and
washes two sinks full of vessels one by one? Please send in your answers to this mail id
firstname.lastname@example.org by 12.
See you all next week with part two of analysing Ms.Katrina Kaif’s bartan washing video.
Don’t forget to send in your answers. The best answers will be featured in our next episode
and a free coupon to the Honorable Finance minister Nirmala Sitharaman’s talk show
“Actually the country’s GDP is not plunging” will be provided.
A letter to my best friend by Krishnaa Nair (1st JIP)
I hope you’re doing well. It has been a while since we have spoken; 4 years, 6 months and 28 days to be
exact. I heard about your promotion recently, congratulations on that. I have tried multiple times to
write to you, and failed. It is quite daunting to reach out, not knowing whether you will respond. But I
have a few things to get off my chest.
We met when we were 5 years old and were best friends for the longest time. When you asked to sit on
the see-saw with me, at that time, I could not have imagined what would follow and what it would lead
to. You were my only friend for the longest time and no one else mattered to me. Being glued to your
side for more than a decade, growing up with you and facing life together was the best journey of my
Our first day of school, we walked in together, with pigtails, backpacks bigger than our bodies and
matching scrunchies on our arms. We sat on the last bench, judging everyone in the class, not having a
care in the world. We used to walk back home together and spend most of our time at each others’
houses. We built forts made of pillows; we used to play house-house and I was always the husband. We
used to dress like our parents and tell each other off. We were so desperate to grow up.
You were the coolest person I knew and everything I did was to be more like you. I didn’t get to go out
and hang out with people because of my parents and their rules. Yet, you never made me feel left out. I
remember in 10 th grade, when you got your first boyfriend. It was a strange experience and a lot of
emotions that I faced. Suddenly, I had to share you. You were spending the majority of your time with
him and I was the afterthought. That made me quite bitter and I did not know how to deal with it. I felt
you slipping away from me and those 6 months were brutal. I was losing my best friend, at least that’s
what I thought at the time. As you are well aware, I had never felt any attraction towards boys or
anyone in general. I never felt the need to give my time or attention to anyone else. I never gave anyone
a second thought.
When you and he broke up, for what I now believe to be juvenile reasons, you were back to being mine.
Although I was hurt seeing you go through pain, it gave me a sense of happiness watching you come to
me for comfort. I loved being there for you; I wanted to keep you safe and never wished for anyone to
I remember one night, when we were having a sleepover, you had your head on my lap and you were
about to fall asleep. There was something about the way the nightlight was hitting your face. It was dim
but your face was glowing. There were tears on the temples of your forehead, which were sparkling
because of the light. You were scrunching your itchy nose and moved a strand of hair from your eyes.
Watching this incident play out, gave me chills. It made me feel emotions I have never felt before. I
didn’t quite know what was happening. I was extremely overwhelmed and didn’t know what I should do
The next couple of days, as you may remember, I was distant. I was in a battle with myself. I had no one
to talk to about this. I knew my parents would read too much into it, besides I wouldn’t even know what
to tell them. You called me, messaged me, dropped by my house but I was not ready to face you. I was
not ready to face what I was feeling.
Since, there was no one else to talk to, I went to the internet to help me figure out what was happening.
Some websites told me I was ill but a majority of them pointed out to me being a lesbian. I refused to
believe it at the time, I was shocked and confused and terrified. How would I come out to my parents?
How would they react? How would you react? Could this even be true? I was overcome with emotions
and went numb. I lost all sense of reality. I didn’t know where I was, I didn’t know who I was.
I took the next few weeks to myself, to try and figure out what my next steps should be. The internet,
although toxic, was more accepting of me and my sexuality than anyone I knew. Ever so often, I would
hear my mum or dad make a snide remark about the people from MY community and it made my blood
boil. That’s what they thought of me and my people. I had no idea how to tell them. As I researched
more about it, the prouder I became of my community and everything we represented.
Finally, I decided to talk to you. I decided to open up to you. We had this conversation on the terrace of
my house. I was extremely anxious to see you; I remember tugging at my shirt loosening the threads on
the side. You showed up in a red tank top and blue jeans and immediately gave me a hug. That was the
only thing I needed after the horrible few weeks that I had had. We sat down on the ground, me
fidgeting with my keys and you holding a cup of coffee. I mustered up the courage to open my mouth
and what followed was pure chaos. I couldn’t stop talking, venting rather. I told you everything I was
feeling and facing. I cried, I laughed, I rejoiced. I was so proud of myself to be able to get it out.
You sat there, in silence, expressionless, staring at me. I went on for about 15 minutes before stopping. I
turned towards you and suddenly you had tears in your eyes. I didn’t understand why you were crying, I
didn’t understand how I had hurt you. I was perplexed; you still didn’t say a word. I had made my best
You finally spoke; you said you were proud of me and called me strong. You had also reached the
realization of being part of the community, but were too afraid to express it. You felt the same way but
never found the courage to say it. I was taken aback by what I had just heard. The only person I had ever
loved, my best friend, love me back. It seemed too good to be true. We vented our emotions for the
next couple of hours and started catching up about the days we were apart.
After telling you, I had a newfound strength and I did not want to be silenced. I wanted my parents to
know and love me for who I was. I walked into my house, my heart in my chest and my mouth, bone dry.
I decided to just speak it out and let things go about how they would. After I was done speaking, their
faces were awestruck. They were angry, furious in fact. They were ashamed of me, and said they would
kick me out of the house if I continued feeling this way. I told them what I felt for you. That seemed to
make things worse. They, in an instant decided to move away from the city, they wanted to take me
away from you. My world was turned upside down, a few moments ago, I was excruciatingly happy and
now everything was being torn away from me. Before I could say anything to them, they packed our
bags and we moved. They did not give me an opportunity to tell you anything. They forbade me from
everything after that.
I can’t imagine what you must have felt, me leaving like that, with absolutely no explanation. I never
meant to hurt you. I loved you, with all my heart. I never found the courage to write to you after things
settled down. I was ashamed, I should have fought harder. I guess after all this time; I need you to know
I never stopped loving you. You were my best friend and everything. Not being able to be with you was
hard, but I guess that’s just the way the world works, it isn’t funny or pretty. Friendships are overrated
I hope with all my heart that you write back to me. I miss you, I love you.